Sleepless nights, vodka and a selfportrait
by siri holm
Summary: The story around Colossus Bloodline seen from Kitty's point of view. My first shot at some sort of KittyColossus relationship story. Hope you like it, please read and review


A/N: so I finally wrote a Kitty and Colossus story, took me forever too. It is the story around Colossus Bloodline seen from Kitty's point of view. I really want some feedback on this, since I don't have a clue what I'm doing :P haven't been reading comics for long, so no bitching about details I haven't read :P hope you like it.

* * *

He wasn't dead, she wondered when that was going to dawn on her. She'd found him, but she'd also scattered his ashes in Russia, she didn't know what to believe anymore. She loved having him back. She had been sure she was over him, but the moment she saw him she knew she wasn't. His nightmares worried her, and today he just hid from everyone. She knocked, he didn't answer. She knew he was there. She knocked again. "Peter." Couldn't he just let her in? "Peter!" The fact that he'd taken suicide once before didn't calm her down. "Are you in there?" The door was locked so she phased through, she was just going to check if he was ok. "Peter, I'm coming in, okay?" He was there, he hurried to cover his painting. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't come in like that, but I did knock." He was armoured, Kitty felt like she couldn't get close to him when he was like that. 

"I know" He stood there looking into the mirror "I wanted to be alone."

"Is that the reason for the armour? Do you want me to leave?" She shouldn't have come, she turned to leave.

"No. Don't go…" Peter changed back from his metal form. "There. Better?" He tried to smile, at least he made her a bit happier. She touched his lower arm.

"Much. Metal's good, but I prefer flesh and blood." Even she could hear her subconscious flirting, this was not the time to be doing that.

"Kitty, I…" he looked like he wanted to crawl into a hole in the ground. "Something happened to me while I was locked away."

"Yeah, I know." At least she tried to understand.

"No, you don't. I feel something in here, like an animal trying to break out." Kitty looked from the mirror to the covered painting. "It sounds crazy, but… it feels like this isn't my body." Nothing sounded crazy to her anymore.

"It that why you're painting yourself?"

"How do you know…" It was obvious he didn't want her to know.

"The mirror? Can I see it?" She reached for the cover.

"No! Not yet." She stroked his cheek.

"Peter. This will pass…" She needed him to believe that, she needed to believe it.

"I… I don't think so." Someone knocked at the door, and Peter opened. Why couldn't he just have done that when she knocked?

"I hope I'm not disturbing anything." Emma, Emma was a bitch, but Kitty shouldn't think that now, she'd pick up on it.

"Nothing unimportant." Kitty snarled.

"Oh, are you painting Kitty's portrait? Not a nude?" Phasing into Emma's body and ripping out her heart felt like a good idea, but only in her mind.

"No, it's…" It looked like he wanted to rip Emma's arm off when she tried to pull of the cover.

"You're right, some people are more interesting with their clothes on." Kitty really didn't like her as an X-Man, she still acted like a bad guy in Kitty's eyes.

"Are you here for a reason?" Kitty really wanted Emma to disappear now, Scott had really crap taste.

"We've received an urgent communication for you, Peter. From someone called Larisa Mishcenko in Saint Petersburg. It sounds serious."

"Larisa…?" Peter sounded surprised, and worried.

"Who is she?" She looked up at him, when he sounded worried she was worried.

"My Cousin." Kitty knew he didn't have much family left so when some of it showed up it was important. Peter barely said two words to her before he left for Russia, the last thing he did before he left was to tell her he'd be back soon, but she didn't believe it.

* * *

For some reason she thought having him back in her life could make it better, even if she had to handle his demons. In one way he scared her, he let her half way into his world but he shut her out from the things that troubled him. She tried to give him room, but she was sick of being shut out. This was the first time she could remember he wouldn't show her his pictures, she wasn't sure if that hurt her or if it just made her curios, she hated to be shut out. He was so closed when he left for Russia, she was so afraid he wouldn't come back. When he was at the school she couldn't sleep until she was sure he was there, she thought it would be better when he was away, but it wasn't, now she barely slept at all. The self portrait he didn't show her troubled her, now more than ever. Probably because it was two in the morning and she couldn't sleep, and she knew she had to get up early in the morning. She knew she shouldn't sneak around in his room but she had nothing else to do, he probably wouldn't kill her. He could come looking around her room any day. 

When she phased through Peter's door she felt his sent, he was alive, he was back in her life, in one way he was hers and she wasn't giving him back. She turned on the light, his room was a mess he'd been painting a lot these past mounts. There were a lot of landscapes and a lot of skies, things to remind him about his freedom, that didn't make him feel trapped, things he hadn't seen in years. He hadn't lost much of his touch, his paintings were still wonderful. She found a portrait of herself, it was a mix of her look before he left, her look now and how she looked in his mind, it was much more beautiful then she really was. She fell back onto his bed, big guy, big bed, she liked it, being in his room gave her some kind of peace. She turned to her side looking at the covered self portrait. She shouldn't look, but then again she shouldn't be in his room in the first place. He wouldn't know, it wouldn't hurt, she wanted to see why he was so messed up, what he was thinking. For a moment she could be his Katya again, he wouldn't be mad at her for sneaking in and looking at his art, he wouldn't be mad at her for stealing a kiss. She smiled, she had grown out of steeling kisses, but not for sneaking a look at his art.

She stood on the floor, looking at the covered painting. Do or don't, she wanted to know what he was hiding. Ok, she was doing it, one, to, tree, she pulled of the sheet. "Oh my God." What she saw shocked her, he couldn't really think of himself that way. As the shock had passed over her she lay down on his bed, looking at the picture. He really didn't need a mirror to paint that, he couldn't feel like that. Ok, so sometimes he had uncontrollable anger, like when he beat up Wisdom, and being locked up had changed him, made him angry, but he was still a wonderful guy. She didn't want to look at the painting anymore so she closed her eyes. If he let her help him she would, but she didn't know what to do. She almost fell asleep, but pulled herself together and got out of bed. She struggled to cover the painting again, Peter was so much taller then her, no way she could have done it without her power. She lay back on the bed again, it didn't matter if she stayed a bit longer, she was too tired to sneak back into her own room. This was definitely on the top of her list of things she shouldn't do.

* * *

She heard someone coming in, she ran to the hall hoping it was him, it was. "Peter!" She felt her heart break when she saw the look on his face. "oh, Peter…" it looked like a part of him had died. "What happened to you?" She wanted to wrap her arms around him, he looked like he was about to cry. 

"I can't tell you right now, Katya." He turned his back on her. She wasn't sure if it made her want to cry or hit him. "If you don't mind, I need to be alone for a while." He walked away.

"God, Peter…" She rested her head against the wall and slammed her hand through the wall. He didn't want her there, he wasn't planning to share anything with her, and it was time she realised that. It was so unfair, she came to this team first, and still she wanted to leave. She shouldn't let him make her feel like that, she wasn't going to uproot her life again. She had never really gotten over him, she had thought so but it was still there. It was still there, it was still childish, and it was still so very pure.

* * *

He had shut her out, completely, he didn't want to talk to her, he didn't want tell her what was wrong. She was sick of this, and she was worried sick. She knew he was there, that he was back, but she couldn't sleep. She got up and put on a robe over her pyjamas, he probably couldn't sleep, it was obvious something troubled him. She looked through the bottom drawer of her desk and found a bottle of vodka, it was probably the wrong thing to do, but if he was asleep she could drink it herself. The worst thing that could happen was that he kicked her out. She moved silently through the corridor, the last thing she needed was Logan finding her or Emma coming out being a complete bitch as always. She poked her head in Peters door, he was turning in his bed either dreaming or trying to sleep. She silently walked across his floor and put her bottle on the table. She sat down watching him, he wasn't asleep, he looked miserable. She should leave but she didn't, she couldn't. She sat down at the side of his bed, stroking his face. He almost jumped at her touch. 

"Katya!" He looked so scared, he held her hand tight.

"I didn't mean to scare you, I just wanted to see if you were ok, and if you wanted a drink." He let go of her hand, she stroked his face again. He closed his eyes and enjoyed her touch.

"I missed you, Katya." He sat up and hugged her, just held her feeling her arms around his neck.

"I'm here now, you're ok." He wanted to sweep her up and lay her down in bed with him, but he couldn't, she should be over him.

"You are perfect, Katya."

"Have you been sipping vodka already?" He looked at her smiling a sad smile, did she really think he had to be drunk to tell her she was perfect.

"No, but you are still perfect. Did you bring vodka?" He shouldn't be drinking, he'd just seen the rest of his family being killed.

"Yeah, what else to bring to a Russian guy?" She saw how troubled he was, even if he tried to hide it. She got the bottle and got into the end of his bed. He sat opposite her. "So, you going to tell me what happened?" He took the bottle out of her hand and opened it, for a second he thought he wanted to empty it in one sip.

"No Katya, you don't want to know, not yet."

"Still want to be alone huh…" He grabbed her hand as she tried to get up.

"I've been alone for years, I don't want to be alone again." He passed her the bottle as she steeled down in the end of his bed again. The vodka burned her throat, first sip always did.

"Peter, don't shut me out. I know you've been trough a lot, but still…" she gave him a half hurt look.

"Katya, you remember Larisa?" The look on his face made her give back the bottle.

"Yeah, your cousin, the one who called before you left for Russia." He looked away from her. "What happened Peter?"

"She… she was killed, Katya…" Kitty stroked his chin.

"Oh Peter, I'm so sorry." He rested his head against her shoulder. "You can't keep everything bottled up inside you." She stroked his hair and kissed the top of his head. "You should get some sleep." He straightened up and took another drink of Kitty's vodka.

"I can't sleep lately, can't stand the dark." After being trapped for years she got that, but she wanted to help him, help him overcome it.

"Haven't slept much myself while you were gone, wasn't sure you would come back." He leaned inn almost kissing her. "Don't, Peter." He nodded and kissed her cheek.

"I didn't mean to…" She already regretted not letting him kiss her, but in the long run it would probably be the best. "I won't do anything you don't want me to." She kissed his forehead and took a drink from the bottle before she put the cork back on and put it on the floor.

"You must be the sweetest man alive. I should leave, we should both get some sleep." Their eyes met, it was obvious none of them wanted her to leave.

"Stay Katya, I don't think I can sleep alone tonight." She looked into his ocean blue eyes, she couldn't leave him. "Just sleep, nothing else."

"You sure having me here is a good idea?" He nodded. "Ok, but I have to get up early."

"You are staying?" He smiled.

"Come on, let's go to bed." She took off her robe before she got under his covers waiting for him to follow but he just sat there watching her. "What?"

"You've never slept in my bed before." Kitty smiled at him, it wasn't completely true but she wasn't going to tell.

"Well I haven't, but I've slept in a lot of other beds. Come on let's sleep." It wasn't a lot, it was some but he didn't need to know that now.

"Not what I needed to know." Kitty turned her back to him snuggling up with his covers. He lay down next to her and rested his arm against her stomach.

"Peter…" she was almost purring as she rested her hand on his. "I could get used to this." he smiled and nuzzled against her neck. He felt her body relaxing as she fell asleep.

"Don't ever leave, Katya, you are all I have left." He whispered as he snuggled up to her to sleep.

* * *

Kitty tried to push Peter's arm off her, but decided it would be just as well to phase through it. It was way too early to get up, but she had to before anyone woke up and she had to shower before she stumbled into Wolverine. She rubbed her eyes wile almost tripping over the bottle she'd left on the floor. 

"Damn." She mumbled as she picked up the bottle and continued towards the door.

"Katya…" He looked drowsy up at her. She sat down on the bed next to him.

"Sorry" She kissed the top of his head. "I didn't mean to wake you. I need to get up now, but you need to go back to sleep. "

"Sure Katya." He closed his eyes again.

"And remember to take a long shower before you leave the room," she said as she reached the door. "Don't want Hank or Logan to smell me on you." She phased through the door and hurried back to her room and fell into her bed. Maybe she was crowding him enough now.


End file.
